Whenever you make a choice,
Be aware of where that choice is coming from
I was hoping the light wouldn’t turn green before she shuffled over to the car. I kept waving the five dollar bill out the window and yelling, “Over here, over here.”
As I drove off, my then 7-year-old always-inquisitive daughter asked me from the back seat, “Mommy, why did you give her money? What if she buys drugs with it?” I knew that this would be a perfect opportunity to express my viewpoint about giving to others. “Sweetheart, I believe that you can either give from the wallet or from your heart. When you give from the wallet, there are strings attached. You hand over YOUR money with expectations that she must spend it the way YOU want her to. But when you give freely from your heart, you understand that now it is HER money to spend the way SHE wants to. You’re giving it with a love for her, not with a desire to control how she will use it.
How are you living your life? As you contemplate this decision, are you listening to your heart or are you feeling attached to the wallet?
Whenever I ask my clients, “What is your number one concern if you choose to leave your marriage?”, the response I hear most often is “money.” And I definitely understand. Money is necessary in this world. But how much FEAR around losing money is playing a part in your decision?
I know what it’s like to be financially secure and live in fear of losing a comfortable lifestyle.
My former husband was the so-called “breadwinner” and I had no idea how I would make it on my own. All I could think of was…
- How will I manage to pay the bills?
- How will my two daughters adjust to living in a small apartment instead of
a house with a big yard?
- How will I support them throughout their education and even through college?
I remember moments when I discovered that I was mostly staying for the money, yet I could feel my heart begging me to leave.
I was deathly afraid of leaving my marriage and my financial security behind. There were many times when I had to have a conversation inside my head to fight against his ingrained messages of, “if it wasn’t for me, you’d be earning next to nothing as a social worker” or “you’re so ungrateful for this lifestyle I provide”.
I knew I needed to be strong and use my own voice to remind me of MY truth
“Christine, you know how to work hard and make things happen.”
“You’re a devoted mother who’s always there for the girls.”
“You’ve overcome bulimia and survived back surgery. You got this!”
Eventually, I realized that I had to learn how to trust myself and take a leap of faith.
I had to believe that I’d be OK no matter what I decided.
Take the time right now to think through this very important question:
Are you staying because you’re afraid of being homeless on the streets or because in your heart you truly believe that you can find a way to be happy in your marriage?
It’s your life and you absolutely get to decide how you want to spend it–no strings attached.
Download my FREE Guide "5 Small Ways to Bring Peace Back into Your Life..Even though you have this Big Decision to make.
You don't have to sacrifice your sanity.